#1: Conversation with my OB during my 38 week exam -
Dr.: Uh, nope. No progression. No dilation. No dropping.
Me: Nothing?!
Dr.: Nope.
Me: (banging head on exam table)
Dr.: I know you're ready to be done. But he's not overweight. He's doing perfectly fine.
Me: But he's GIANT!
Dr.: No, he's not giant. You're little. You might just need to realize he could very well be late.
Me: But...but....I wanted some time with him by myself before my mom comes down.
Dr.: When is your mom coming down?
Me: The 12th.
Dr.: Uh....are you sure she doesn't want to attend the birth? Because he may not be here by then.
Me: (bursts into tears)
#2: Conversation with my regular Starbucks barista -
Me: (at drive thru Starbucks window) I'd like a grande decaf latte.
Starbucks guy: Alright. Drive on around to the window, please.
Me: (at window, hands over method of payment)
Starbucks guy: Still on decaf, huh? How long have you been ordering decaf now?
Me: 38 weeks.
Starbucks guy: You're kidding.
Me: Um. No. They are NEVER going to let me have this baby.
Starbucks guy: See, I have no intention of getting pregnant for exactly that reason. Can't live without the caffeine. (laughs)
Me: Don't make me hate you.
Starbucks guy: Oh. You want to really hate me? I get to leave here tonight and have a BEER.
Me: Huh. And I get to leave here without giving you a tip. Isn't that nice how that works? (smiles)
Me: (leans out window and puts a five in his tip jar just because he made me laugh)
#3: Email conversation with my husband -
Me: No progress whatsoever. I need comfort food.
Jere: Boston Market, Mimi's, Mexican?
Me: It's an after dinner blood glucose reading night. I shouldn't have Mexican. So let's go out for Mexican.
Jere: That'll work.
Me: Enabler.
Someone please help me.
Today's lesson: Take one stubborn woman. Marry her to one stubborn man. Let them reproduce. Guess what you're going to get...well, see above picture of the baby adding onto his belly condo. I swear I did NOT approve his permits for this expansion.
2 comments:
Too funny. Take comfort in the fact that I am jealous of your baby belly!
Yellow, she was jealous of my baby belly, till she got her own!
And just so you know, I made no progress till the LAST possible minute with all of my spawn. Plus, my 4th was the late one. Everybody else knew when to exit and didn't require eviction. Maybe I shouldn't have let you rub mah belleh, you made her too sticky.
Oh yea, my apologies for praying for a sticky baby all this time...I promise I stopped that a couple weeks ago. But like certain drugs, they take a while to wear off and lose their effectiveness. I changed them to healthy baby/mom/delivery.
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