Three conversations

#1: Conversation with my OB during my 38 week exam -

Dr.: Uh, nope. No progression. No dilation. No dropping.

Me: Nothing?!

Dr.: Nope.

Me: (banging head on exam table)

Dr.: I know you're ready to be done. But he's not overweight. He's doing perfectly fine.

Me: But he's GIANT!

Dr.: No, he's not giant. You're little. You might just need to realize he could very well be late.

Me: But...but....I wanted some time with him by myself before my mom comes down.

Dr.: When is your mom coming down?

Me: The 12th.

Dr.: Uh....are you sure she doesn't want to attend the birth? Because he may not be here by then.

Me: (bursts into tears)

#2: Conversation with my regular Starbucks barista -

Me: (at drive thru Starbucks window) I'd like a grande decaf latte.

Starbucks guy: Alright. Drive on around to the window, please.

Me: (at window, hands over method of payment)

Starbucks guy: Still on decaf, huh? How long have you been ordering decaf now?

Me: 38 weeks.

Starbucks guy: You're kidding.

Me: Um. No. They are NEVER going to let me have this baby.

Starbucks guy: See, I have no intention of getting pregnant for exactly that reason. Can't live without the caffeine. (laughs)

Me: Don't make me hate you.

Starbucks guy: Oh. You want to really hate me? I get to leave here tonight and have a BEER.

Me: Huh. And I get to leave here without giving you a tip. Isn't that nice how that works? (smiles)

Me: (leans out window and puts a five in his tip jar just because he made me laugh)

#3: Email conversation with my husband -

Me: No progress whatsoever. I need comfort food.

Jere: Boston Market, Mimi's, Mexican?

Me: It's an after dinner blood glucose reading night. I shouldn't have Mexican. So let's go out for Mexican.

Jere: That'll work.

Me: Enabler.

Someone please help me.

Today's lesson: Take one stubborn woman. Marry her to one stubborn man. Let them reproduce. Guess what you're going to get...well, see above picture of the baby adding onto his belly condo. I swear I did NOT approve his permits for this expansion.

Ryan's Random 7

Ok, I know I went random yesterday. However, I read this blog quite often, and wouldn't you know that Ryan's challenge of the day was to post a random seven. And I'm never, EVER opposed to randomness. I swear I'll make this quick.


1. I woke up from my afternoon nap yesterday to find my husband in my kitchen. This terrifies me. He'd gotten it in his head that he wanted to make dinner, and proceeded to fry up bison steaks that he'd picked up at the commissary. Where on Earth this sudden desire came from, I don't know. Is he nesting? Luckily he cleaned up the kitchen when he was done, and I didn't have to freak out.


2. We received a random gift yesterday from one of Jerry's old Army buddies. Isn't it adorable?? But the real gift was the photo that was included with it. I thank the Lord everyday that my husband no longer has that mustache.


3. My friend Rachel challenged me to do a 365 photo a day project. She's doing one so she can learn to use her Nikon. I'm doing mine to be supportive. It is, by far, the most frustrating project ever. I'm not so hot with photo-editing, and I have no interesting subjects to photograph at the moment. I will say that I have learned things. I'm just not sure I've learned anything I can use!


4. Sandra Lee is making cupcakes on the Food Network. Pregnant women and diabetics should never watch the Food Network. I really want cupcakes now, and I'm betting that all the ingredients are hiding in my kitchen.


5. The toughest decision everyday is what we're going to have for dinner. I don't cook. This does not mean I CANNOT cook. I just don't. Living within proximity of a large metropolitan area leaves our options wide open for meals, and we quite often can't decide and fall back on our regular places. However, I think my husband is looking for a change, seeing as he just ordered me cookbooks. I have nothing against cooking, except for the fact that restaurants do it so much better!


6. My in belly child is making me do weird things, like put cream in my coffee. What's up with that? I generally prefer my coffee to be like rocket fuel.


7. My kid is squirming and hiccupping and is generally unhappy with the current lack of space in his belly-condo. I think a bath and a nap are in order for me. Maybe that way he'll be less angry. I'm not sure he was a fan of the peas I had with lunch.

Welcome to the random

There's so much to say. So much to praise and complain about. I've gone from the freak side of angry to the even stranger side of patient. I'm less than three weeks from my due date, and this baby is welcome to come at any time. According to my doctor, though, my son is happy in his warm little home and is making no indications that he'd like to leave. I suppose I should just give in to my list making tendencies before I start off on random stream of consciousness.

1. Me, at 36 weeks. About a week ago. It's as painful as it looks, and is getting worse.

2. I had a fantastic baby shower this past weekend. I would have pictures, but my aunt hasn't gotten them up yet (hint, hint). Everything was camouflage themed, including the cake and balloons. And my mom flew down from Michigan.

3. I love my FedEx guy. The one I used to have here would leave monstrous packages on the porch without even ringing the bell. The new one noticed that one of my recent big packages said "crib" and made doubly sure to not only ring the bell, but to put the box where I wanted it. I mention this now because he brought my glider this morning, saw my current size and said, "You're not going to try building this, are you?!" I assured him that construction duties had been handed over for the duration of the pregnancy.

4. My husband committed dispicable subterfuge yesterday. "Hey, look, your favorite show is on!" And then he snuck out to play 9 holes of golf. *grin* I laughed when I caught on.

5. I want to go shopping. But I have nothing that needs buying.

6. We went to Michael's to get a frame for a cross-stitch project that I had finally finished. And the after Christmas sales were awesome. I won't need to buy a darn thing to wrap gifts next year!

7. I got a flash for my camera. Let's just call it what it is. True love.

8. We've had to make some tough decisions about certain things and people. There's been a good amount of hurt and confusion involved, but when we sat down and looked at our son's future happiness and well-being, the decisions were easier.

9. That said, there is a difference between a good person and a nice person. My husband says I'm a good person. But I've never been particularly nice until late. And I'm quite finished being nice. As my best friend put it recently, "I love the shrew you can be." You can still be a kind person without being saccharin sweet.

10. No matter how much kindness you show to some people, they will always throw it back in your face. Or, more appropriately, they'll throw it at you when your back is turned. These are the people you walk away from. Seriously, if you get far enough away, their arm strength is bound to fail.

11. I am blessed with more wonderful friends than powerful enemies.

12. I watched Paula Deen make a baked rice pudding last week. I want it real bad.

13. My doctor has been fantastic the last couple of visits, and this last one took the cake. He looked at my blood sugars, told me to test only twice a day, and then said to go wild because I apparently know what I'm doing. Then I went out to Sonic for a cheeseburger and had heartburn for 18 straight hours.

14. Today will be a happy day. Because today I get to go online and buy more K-Cups for my Keurig brewer. And happiness is a hot cup of black coffee.

Drama Free Christmas

I deserved it. For once, I deserved a major holiday without flight delays, stupid bickering, long drives, malicious intent, or the constant reminder that I am the bain of certain people's existence. And this year? Not only did I get my drama free Christmas, but I got to share the lack of excitement with my husband. Who also deserved a drama free holiday. Oh, how he deserved it.

So how did we manage such a pleasant day? We stayed in Florida. And had Christmas with my grandma.

Meet my Florida family.

You know me by now. Right?

And you know my husband? (Apparently, judging by the gift, my family knows my husband as well.)

This is my grandmother. If you don't catch a candid shot of her, you end up with a posed picture of her snarling at you. Not on purpose, but because that's just her "photo face." This woman can cook. And set a beautiful table that we never made it to that evening, because we were too impatient and made a buffet of her lovely meal. But she didn't care. She had made plenty of food on which we could graze.

This is my grandma's husband, Henry. Let me fill you in on the conversation that led him to give me that particular sarcastic look.
Henry: "I'll open this one. It's all wrapped up and I can't tell what it is."
Me: "Uh, isn't that the point of wrapping the present?"
Henry: (see above photo)

This is my Aunt T. She's smiling in this photo because she's opening the gift from my grandma. And because she picked it out herself, she knows exactly what it is.

This is my uncle. My aunt and grandma managed to get him the camera he wanted on Black Friday, then told him the store had run out. He had that thing open while we were all sitting there with the rest of our gifts....then promptly handed the camera to my aunt and said, "Teach me how to use it!"

And this little beauty is Bayli, my aunt and uncle's dog. I'd have a picture of my grandma and Henry's dog, but she lounged far away from us the whole night. In this family, the pets are not just part of the family. They actually exchange gifts. Bayli got Miss Ginger some lovely collar charms, and Ginger bought Bayli pink squeaker toys.

Here's what made Christmas magical. No one fought. No one bickered. No one said anything remotely unkind, unless it had to do with football. Everyone sat in the same room. No one ran off to another part of the house to do something else. Despite the fact that we really do see each other a lot, we sat around and visited. And watched Jeff Dunham's Christmas special on the big screen. And ate in the living room without fear of reproach. We opened our gifts one by one, so we could watch each other enjoy them. It took over an hour, but it was nice to actually see someone open the gift you bought for them, instead of missing it in the frenzy and having to ask later.

And the best part? When we left to go home, we all still liked each other. And each other's spouse.

Today's lesson: The point of stressing over the holidays before they arrive is so that they aren't stressful when they actually get here. And the best way to ensure a happy holiday? Spend it with people who actually love you. Thank you to my family for giving us the peaceful Christmas we desperately needed.