Saturday, April 26, 2008

Body issues

You know, I woke up with a pretty good sense of humor yesterday. If you read my blog, you saw that. But as the caffeine settled in and I once again realized there is too much clutter and not enough closet, my blood pressure started to rise.

The bad mood began when I put on the sundress I'd picked out for the day. It was warm and sunny, and even though I didn't plan on going anywhere, it look comfortable. All I have to say is "holy Kristin's boobs." Not that they're holy, but they were out there. And they didn't look any better no matter which bra I tried. No problem. It's a $12 dress from H&M on Hollywood Boulevard, not a big loss and I'll figure it out later. Next sundress was my new one from a boutique shop off of the farmer's market in LA. It fit the girls fine, but the shoulders fit poorly with my bras. Well, crap, it's obviously a boob issue.

I have not always been the girl with gargantuan breasts. In fact, they didn't show up until well into my senior year of high school, after I quit running and gained a ton of weight. And for awhile, they were a novelty, and I'm bring them out for parties and whatnot (I know some of my party friends just fell off their chairs with memories), but as time has worn on, and gravity has begun to take over, I'm less impressed. And I thought if I lost weight, I'd gain some control back, as they say it's the first place you lose weight. Oh no. Not me. I lost two pants sizes, but no bra sizes.

By this point yesterday, I was stomping around the house fully covered in sports bra and t-shirt, grumping about the girls and stupid bras and dresses my size made for flat-chested waifs. Thankfully, I knew who to call. Or I thought I did. If anyone can make these improportionate evil things seem like an asset, it's got to be my husband, right? His answer to this problem was, "Why don't you go to the mall. You'll feel better." My response, of course, was, "You do not tell a girl to go to the mall when she's having body issues!"

A big thanks to Kari for solving the dress/bra mystery. Tomorrow I'm going shopping for a couple of new bras so that I don't look like a floozy when I wear my new sundresses. Not to mention I'll be looking to come down and visit her (and her baby belly!) as soon as I shed a few pounds and am ready to spend hundreds of dollars on bras. *grin* We'll go out and find some yummy tempeh!

Yesterday was making me feel cramped and crazy. Too much caffeine and clutter, I think. By day's end, I'd gotten into such a fluster that I uncorked a bottle of French wine and ordered a pizza. Of course, while I impatiently waited for the pizza guy to show, I decided to move the blanket press and the couch, and ended up knocking off one of the couch's feet, which I now can't get back on. Stupid heavy 60's green couch. Pizza guy finally came (remind me not to order from that Pizza Hut anymore, pizza was cold), and I settled in with one of my newly found wine glasses and a slice and watched Alton Brown. Jere called, and ruined my grumpy mood by telling me good stories and making me laugh. It also rained, which meant no attack wasps, so I took some of the bigger things out to my storage, which made for so much more room.

I kept poor Jere on the phone for two and a half hours. Yeah, it gets lonely with no friends close by. I just put him on speaker phone and sat lazily at my computer. Unfortunately, he brought up getting me vaccinated for Hepatitis A since I'm going to a medium risk zone in December (that's the one you can get through bad food and water that goes away, but it makes you sick for like a month). Which sent me flying to the State Department's website to see if I really needed it (no, not really, Turkey is a medium risk zone, too, and I did fine there, and as long as you don't drink the water or go to really rural areas, it's no problem). The State Dept.'s site had a link to the CDC, where you can pull up a list of possible diseases you can get from going to any country. Kept me fascinated for HOURS. And am now convinced I will die of malaria if I go to Mexico. Even though I just got back...

Today's lesson: Knowledge is a double-edged sword. On one hand, gaining knowledge about the right kind of bra to wear with a dress from someone with expert experience can save your rack (and your reputation). On the other hand, learning about anything from the CDC's website will give you nightmares.

Research with caution...

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