Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The things people say

The "glowing" face of pregnancy.

First off, let me say that my husband has accused me of neglecting my blog. He apparently doesn't know what's going in my world if I'm not writing. My apologies, but I wasn't in a great big hurry to recount to you all the miseries of pregnancy's glorious first trimester. To sum it up: aching back, headaches, morning sickness, evening sickness, random crying, cravings, and one episode of hitting my husband with a water bottle. Don't worry, he didn't suffer any ill effects, unless he strained himself laughing.

And now, to start you off, I'm going to link to one of my favorite blogs. Go. Read it. But don't get lost over there, because it's very possible to do so. Be sure to come back. :-) I'll the way, I'm comment #125.

Reading Ree's blog this morning plunged me deep into thought. Why do we say these things? And I'm far from perfect. I haven't made her particular blunder, but I've certainly had my share of moments where I wanted to sink down into the floor. And thank you, Ree, for reminding me of all the blogs I've wanted to write about this over the past few weeks. I'm just now finding the energy again.

Ask before you rub! This is me and Feisty. She lovingly invited to rub the belly for pregnancy luck, and it completely worked.

I've been getting pregnancy comments from everyone, most of which are very welcome and appreciated. I am completely in love with the girl at my uncle's birthday party who, upon hearing that I was not only pregnant, but constantly nauseous, recommended some Preggie Pops, which is morning sickness candy. I love hearing the congratulations and the "you're glowing" comments (thank you, Ericka, for actually being the only person to say that). I even love being told that I'm going to be a great mom, mostly because sometimes I have my doubts.
And in a case like Ree's, I even found it adorable when my grumpy grandfather put a hand on my belly and asked, "You carrying twins in there?" Though it prompted a shirt change.

This is the only man who can get away with twins comments, got it?

But I am really self-conscious these days. I had joined a messageboard of pregnant women who were all due the same month as I am. It was all going well until someone started a post asking if anyone else was losing weight. What started out as her being concerned turned into a line of responses bragging about how much weight each of these women had lost! Responses ranged from a couple of pounds to 15! I felt so discouraged, because I've gained a portly 3 pounds. Then a woman had the audacity to say (and I sort of quote, but not really), "There's NO reason for ANYONE to have gained ANY weight in their first trimester."

Um, excuse me? Didn't I read somewhere that in women of normal weight, a gain of 3 to 5 pounds was normal? And that any weight loss isn't exactly ideal for that baby?

Now I understand that morning sickness can make some women lose weight during the first trimester. I've heard a lot of horror stories, and was fully prepared to be constantly ill. But I consider myself lucky that I've been able to choke down meals and hold down my prenatal vitamins. It involves holding still and waiting for the room to stop spinning each time I take a bite, and trust me, I've fallen asleep on the bathroom floor more than once. But I sucked it up, which doesn't mean I'm stronger or more determined than other pregnant women. It just makes me darn lucky that I wasn't so severely ill that I couldn't eat. Really, really lucky. So lucky that I've been able to gain that completely healthy three pounds. But try telling me that on a fat day.

The other series of thoughtless comments have come from, *GASP*, my husband himself. I'm calling the poor guy out here, and fully invite him to defend himself. Let me preface, he's been 95% wonderful. He goes to the store almost nightly on his way home to fulfill my cravings, rubs my feet and back, makes a ton of grilled cheese and chocolate milk, and puts me to bed everynight when I start to hunch over the computer. But that last 5%?

-"Wow, you look really pregnant today!"
-"Between your big hair and acne, people are going to think you're a pregnant 12 year old."
-"Is that your boob all the way down there?"

Now, I know he means well and is trying to commisserate with me and make me laugh. But there's a difference between me saying these things, and him saying them. When I joke about them, I'm voicing my own insecurities and looking for reassurance (which he's good about, I swear, when he's responding to me). But the out of the blue comments? OUCH! And he learns his mistake pretty fast when I burst into tears. Ugh, I hate hormones. Hate hate hate them.

He's a wonderful husband. He's going to be a great dad. Unless we have a girl, and she gets to be a teenager and asks, "Dad, do you like my new haircut?" And he'll make her cry. Just you wait. :-) But I love him.

Today's lesson: Have you ever heard that you should think about what you're going to say for 10 seconds before you say it? Well, the pregnancy book my husband is reading told him to wait 45 seconds just to be safe. I think it's pretty sound advice for anyone!


sarahlschatz said...

Kristin, you're doing wonderful!!!
3 lbs is a PERFECT amount of weight to have gained and i'm sure your little peanut is grateful to you for choking down what you can through the morning sickness... be careful not to get too caught up with those message boards... while it's great to have other moms to share the experience with, there are a lot of crazies out there too!
I look forward to your pregnancy updates! You're going to be a wonderful momma :)

*please pardon any errors... NAK (nursing at keyboard)

Feisty Irish Wench said...

Thank you thank you thank you!
Yes, absolutely ask before reaching for the belly!!! Some days the skin wants nothing on it, some times I don't want a person reaching for my belly.
Yea, and don't get all caught up in the message board peer pressure. I gained at least 10 pounds the first trimester alone. Some of those girls bragging about weight loss might be overweight at the outset and their little sucker is sucking from the extra poundage. Some of the message board people just need to be ignored. There are a couple on mine that I have gone so far as to click the "ignore" button because they annoy me so much.
And husbands? Mine wonders why he's got the Hawaiian Curse.
I'll also remind you of what my SON said to me a few months ago... "I don't think you're pregnant, I just think you're fat with an attitude problem." He's lucky to have reached age 16 and have all his parts intact.

My Sweet Side said...

I wouldn't worry about the 3 lbs. It's the month when you go to the dr. (around the 7th month) and you have a 8 lb-10 lb gain. All in one freakin month ! That is when you will melt into a messy crying ball of momminess. It isn't pretty, but worth it all ! Just get your rest and eat when your hungry . Your growing a human after all. As for your husband.....I can imagine how much fun he's having ! Hugs to you sweetie. When you know the sex let me know. I'm going to buy yarn to make a wee little layette sweater /booties/cap for your baby

My Sweet Side said...

no Glaucoma wasn't mentioned. I would have remembered that one since it's commonly talked about. This was something I've never heard of. Today we have a apt. so I will find out if I don't get to frazzled . Thanks hon. How is your pregnancy doing?